New relationships are such a whirl of excitement, anticipation, mystery, and fun served on a bed of electrifying sexual tension and powerful emotions. Realistically this honeymoon period cannot maintain such intensity, and it’s entirely healthy for your feelings to settle, to morph into a more comfortable and secure connection as you commit for the long term.
Although you cannot ever recreate those initial feelings, [and truthfully you are better off for that, as they are designed to create a strong surface connection which is then strengthened by the more mundane aspects of life], there is no reason at all why any relationship has to be boring or unsatisfying in any way.
If you suspect yours has lost all or some of its spark it’s not terribly difficult to add it back in. With a little effort, thought and planning you can enjoy all the romance and attention you desire, and to get you started here are the top ten ways to add a little spice to your life.
Establish a Regular Date Night
There is no standard template or rule book when it comes to date night, so work with what you have rather than trying to arrange something which is doomed to fail or be stressful. How often you have a date night matters less than that you both make sure it happens; so whether it’s every Tuesday or the 3rd Friday of the month you will be able to enjoy some ‘couple time’ together.
If you have small kids organizing an overnight stay with friends or family is ideal, and a babysitter at home while you go out to eat, see a movie or do whatever rings your bells is a manageable alternative. Still even if date night happens at home when the kids are in bed you can take the time to dress up, and maybe order in something nice to eat.
Having the chance to connect as a couple is a great way to strengthen the intimate bond between you, and make space for sex and romance in your busy schedules.
Even couples who kiss daily and have regular sex often forget the power of touch for creating intimacy, so get hugging today.
Write Love Notes
You don’t need to produce something worthy of publication – a few lines on a scrap of paper in a lunchbox are as good as a four page letter. Writing rather than texting or emailing is much more intimate and exciting.
Do Something Challenging Together
Adrenalin rushes can be very sexy, as can working together to solve a problem, and being able to rely on your partner to cover your back. By taking on a task neither of you are confident about doing you can enjoy the charged atmosphere success brings.
Some possible challenges could involve taking a surfing lesson, going paragliding, or for a less sporty thrill attending a murder-mystery dinner event. The activity is less important than you both being equally new to it, so there are no automatic advantages.
Dress Nicely for Bed
Even if you are not planning to seduce or be seduced it’s nice to climb into bed looking halfway decent. Raggy old T-shirts may be comfy, but something without rips and permanent stains from a painting project looks like you actually care! Ask yourself, ‘Would I wear this to call in on a neighbor?’ If the answer is no then why would you want it to be the last thing your life partner sees before sleeping?
Enjoy a Romantic Short Break
Seriously, is there a better way to recreate the passion and excitement in a relationship than to spend time away together in romantic surroundings? From beach retreats and mountain escapes, to city breaks or adventure tours – a couple of days away from the usual routines leaves so much free time for early nights and shared showers.
Create a Bucket List and Share It
Revealing your bucket list is a good way to share your dreams, desires and ambitions with someone else, which strengthens your emotional connection. Before you start you could agree to add a couple of things relating to sex, which is a gentle way to introduce any fantasies you each may have about things like dressing up, light bondage, or using sex toys.
Experiment in the Bedroom
If you tried the bucket list suggestion in #7 then you have the perfect springboard to introduce a little extra magic to the bedroom. So long as neither person feels pressured to try something thy fee uncomfortable about then anything goes, though it may be best to start slowly and work towards more radical suggestion. For example, if
Plan a tasty menu with your favorite foods and then get together and make it. Cooking can be incredibly sensual, and when you are done you can feed each other tidbits and perhaps share a delicious dessert. [If you make the most of it that could mean taking a smooth chocolate mousse into the bedroom, never mind about the linen!]
Plan a Sexy Surprise
The possibilities here are endless. You could meet for lunch wearing your sexiest lingerie under regular clothes and let him know just as you part ways to return to work, following it up with some subtly sexy shots to his cell phone and hinting at your plans when you both get home. A cliché perhaps, but if it makes you both happy then why not? Or if you both used to love sharing a bath back in the days you could arrange to have the house to yourselves, then relax in the tub in your candle lit bathroom before shouting for your partner to come help you with something!
Hopefully these great ideas have given you inspiration for how to add that frisson back into a relationship; and an appetite for the fun you are going to have trying them out!